A prompt in the latest Write Out newsletter was all about nature and how ideas can jump from language to language. By chance, I saw a daily poem from Poets.org entitled “The River” by Manuel Jose Othon and when I read it, I realized the poem had been translated into English from its original Spanish.
One line jumped out at me — as often happens — and so I decided to use that line to inspire my own poem.
The line from “The River” by Manuel Jose Othon:
Uplift your liquid songs, ye eddies bright
My poem, as a response, of sorts, or perhaps, another current:
I taste your words on my tongue,
young one – though ancient, too,
as the hours before the storm
that released you, and the pull from
the Earth’s center, irresistible –
your endless journey from riverbank
to raindrop never stops, does it?
You are forever in motion, dancing
to tides of ocean
I asked Claude AI to translate my poem into Spanish:
Saboreo tus palabras en mi lengua,
joven – aunque también antiguo,
como las horas antes de la tormenta
que te liberó, y la atracción desde
el centro de la Tierra, irresistible –
tu viaje interminable desde la orilla del río
hasta la gota de lluvia nunca cesa, ¿verdad?
Estás por siempre en movimiento, danzando
al ritmo de las mareas del océano
I queried Claude about its choices made when turning my poem into another language:
Certainly, I’d be happy to explain the translation choices I made. Let’s go through the poem line by line:
- “I taste your words on my tongue” “Saboreo tus palabras en mi lengua”
- I chose “saboreo” (I savor) instead of a literal “pruebo” (I taste) as it better conveys the idea of experiencing or relishing words.
- “young one – though ancient, too,” “joven – aunque también antiguo,”
- This line is a fairly literal translation, maintaining the juxtaposition of youth and antiquity.
- “as the hours before the storm” “como las horas antes de la tormenta”
- This is a direct translation that preserves the original imagery.
- “that released you, and the pull from” “que te liberó, y la atracción desde”
- “Released” is translated as “liberó”. For “pull”, I used “atracción” (attraction) which in this context conveys the idea of a gravitational or magnetic pull.
- “the Earth’s center, irresistible -” “el centro de la Tierra, irresistible -”
- This is a straightforward translation. “Earth” is capitalized in Spanish (Tierra) when referring to the planet.
- “your endless journey from riverbank” “tu viaje interminable desde la orilla del río”
- “Riverbank” is translated as “orilla del río” which literally means “river’s edge”.
- “to raindrop never stops, does it?” “hasta la gota de lluvia nunca cesa, ¿verdad?”
- I translated “never stops” as “nunca cesa” which is slightly more formal than “nunca para”. The rhetorical question is maintained with “¿verdad?” (isn’t it true?).
- “You are forever in motion, dancing” “Estás por siempre en movimiento, danzando”
- “Forever” is translated as “por siempre” which is more poetic than the also correct “para siempre”.
- “to tides of ocean” “al ritmo de las mareas del océano”
- I added “al ritmo de” (to the rhythm of) to better connect the idea of dancing with the ocean tides, making the metaphor more explicit in Spanish.
Throughout the translation, I tried to maintain the flow and imagery of the original poem while adapting it to sound natural in Spanish. The theme of water’s cyclical journey is preserved, as are the poetic devices like enjambment and the overall free verse structure.
And, well, just because, I took Claude’s translation of my poem and asked ChatGPT to translate back into English:
I savor your words on my tongue,
young – though also ancient,
like the hours before the storm
that freed you, and the pull from
the center of the Earth, irresistible –
your endless journey from the riverbank
to the raindrop never ceases, does it?
You are forever in motion, dancing
to the rhythm of the ocean tides
So, pretty close to where my poem started.
Peace (and poems),
Kevin